7 October 2009

Thoughts on becoming a mother

I read this on another blog and thought it was a nice way to look at all we've been through in the last two years.

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him.

I will not wake to track another temperature, take another pill, prepare another injection or shed another tear.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends and family will never see.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I have been tried by fire and hell many may never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen. And even though I can't make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.


1 October 2009

Peter and the Wolf - A childhood trauma

I remember the story of Peter and the Wolf well. It's quite an amazing combination of a children's story with orchestra music to create the mood around the characters in the story. I'm sure everyone knows Peter and the Wolf.

Apparently when I was very little, someone gave us a record of Peter and the Wolf for me to enjoy. Instead of enjoying it, I was terrified by the music. So terrified, in fact, that my parents had to put the record away up in the cupboard. Even that wasn't good enough for me. The cupboard was at the end of the hallway and my back was to it when i was sitting at the table. According to my parents, I would look over my shoulder at the cupboard and say "Bad oof get me" (translation: 'Bad Wolf get me'). In the end, I was not satisfied that I was safe from the big bad wolf until they showed me that they were carrying the record out of the house with the garbage to be collected.

In memory of that, and because it's just a good story, here is Peter and the Wolf: